Repository of Thought

Ranting is public. Artwork is friended. Grotty personal angst is private.

Oh, you sneaky little thing, sneaking up on me like that.

I will start by saying there are MANY things I loved about the book, and one big thing that I didn't. Unfortunately it's a rather big thing.

I love how awesome Lysaer is now. Seriously, I adore Lysaer. He's aware of the curse and actively fighting back, he's kicking ass and taking names. To be honest, I've always really liked him in Curse when he was a nice guy trying to be friends with his strange little brother. I have to admit, I didn't quite expect the turn where he'd become a womanizer but I can accept that. He gets a nod from me for /simply not giving a fuck anymore/.

I love Dakar. Go on, you crazy bumbling prophet. I want to see you become the diamond Davien said you would be. How far you have come! On the other hand, I am a little sad that nothing changed much in the 250 years interval. He did not loose weight, drop some vices, he did not learn to manage his raw gift. It still knocks him down at the drop of a penny. On the other hand, he seems to be spurting prophecies every two steps. I feel he's very different from the man we knew in Curse, but not that much different from the man we knew in Fortress so this disappoints me. On the other hand, Dakar is one of my favourite characters for sheer /growth/ so I can accept him in any form.

Teylia, the dream daughter. I am reminded of a poem by Evan Dahm's Order of Tales:

Smooth and silver in the night;
Bottle full of starry light.
Blown in ancient, reddest flame,
Sand made glass and given name.
Filled with potion deeply magic
To be held alone in bottle tragic
Of woman-shape and half a life;
Bane of baneless horn and knife.
To evil far from evil nigh,
Made to love and doomed to die.

I find her to be the most intriguing loose thread in this story - a daughter, born without his knowing, solely for the purpose of dying to free him. I feel this is something that will come back to haunt. She is important and yet unimportant. She was the fulcrum that came and went without anyone's knowing. To me, that was far sadder than anything else in this novel. The hidden matyr. The unacknowledged sacrifice.

I love Daliana. What a sweet young woman. I do however find myself yelling "c'mon, just kiss him!" or "Ath above, why won't you two just bang like jack rabbits already!" Somehow I like her more than Talith - although I was quite fond of Talith's caged frustration. Daliana is a younger, dumber version of Talith, without the malice but all the spirit. She has room to grow but right now she just wants to get into Lysaer's pants. On the other hand, it's cruel that the only reason she should succeed is because she looks like his dead wife. That's a bit creepy isn't it?

Isfarenn is still as awesome as ever. I was a bit distressed to see him abandoned like that :( Made me sad, yo. Though I wonder about the significance of his rebirth. Was he always dragon touched? What's his relation to the ancestor Isfarren? It's not the same creature so... I guess I'd like to know about the working of familars. What rules govern them and so on.

I love Havish's royal lineage. Havish is like the only kingdom that's still rocking on solidly. We hardly knew you but you went out with a bang. Good on ya.

Ok, ok. Big thing I did not like about it that may have spoiled my enjoyment of the book overall.

Spoilers ahead and so on.

What the fuck, Arithon. You spend that last 8 books getting OVER YOURSELF and finally kicking some buttock at the end of Fortress and now we are back to sqaure one? I am so OVER YOU ALREADY. I am over the emo. I am over the angst. I am over the existial dread and the WHY WHY WHY MUST I SURVIVE AM I WORTH ALL THIS BLOODSHED bullcrap. I was so happy when you got out from Kewer because you'd accepted absolution and recovered your mage talent. I was overjoyed to see you break the curse and come to terms with your destiny. I was ready for you to rock my world, Arithon.

And no. Nope. Not this time, my dear. Because we just rolled back every bit of character growth you ever had through that little plothole known as amnesia.

Why did you do this to me, Janny?!

And who the crap is this Tarens person and why should I care about him??? I honestly cannot see the logic that drove him to murder a man in coldblood. Yes, he wanted to protect his family, but stabbing a guy in the chest with a poker is a HUGE step for a farm boy. Couldn't he just have... run down and confess his sins first? Played dumb? I really have no idea why he went ballistic and wrecked everything for his own family. The farm needs two adult hands to manage it, right? They needed both brothers up so he got Arithon to help him out. Then he ruined everything by murdering someone in broad daylight in front of witnesses? At what point did he think he could get away with that?

It just makes no sense!

And the other thing.

Koriathan.

What the hell. You know, I couldn't take them seriously at all in this book. This is like what, the 50th time they've tried to captured Arithon? I was waiting for them to fail. I was waiting for someone to come in and rescue him. I was waiting for Deus Ex Paravia. Because so far in my reading, the Koriathan have never won. They are cartoon villians. "If it wasn't for you meddling kids and your dog!"

But this isn't true, apparently! There was a point, 250 years ago when the Koriathan did win and the Felllowship broke to their demands. There was a point where everything looked like it had gone to the shits.

Imagine this. Arithon turns up for the wedding of a friend. At said wedding he is betrayed by his friends and given over to the Koriathan. The Fellowship, desperate to stay Seldie's execution breaks down the wards that protect Athera from the free wraiths on Marak and leads them to the planet, hoping to force her hand. Selidie concedes and stays Arithon's execution until the free wraiths are banished.

This, ladies and gentlemen, what what happened between Fortress and Initiate's Trial.

The Koriathan are jokes to me because so far, they have always lost, they have always been twarted, always been defeated, except for this one time that happened OFF CAMERA.

You know what would have been bloody awesome?

If I actually got to see this event happening.

If I actually got to experience first hand the moment of Seldie's greatest triumph and the Fellowship brought to heel.

What a dark, dark day that would be, my friends. In that moment, I might be like "Ho shit, these bitches are srs bsn." Selidie would rank up in villian level. Arithon, imprisoned and caged. The Fellowship powerless.

Can you imagine reading that? It'd be like some George R R Martin would write.

Sigh.

Also, Elaira is boring and I'll tell you why; she's a Mary Sue. Give me one flaw of hers to prove me wrong. Arithon, you ain't doing a whole lot better either - although luckily I count "being emo" as a fatal flaw.

So you acknowledge that you're paying me under what my experience and skillset are worth and that my current job isn't much fun... I'm taking that's an open invitation to leave?

I miss you, but there's nothing to go back to. We've all gone our separate ways and that makes me sad. Would it be like the friends I once had? All flown away and never to meet again. I can't even remember their names.

It wouldn't be so bad in my head if you were all still there so I could still have a home, but it's gone. All gone.

Feeling a bit melancholy of late. I miss you.

Name: Fortuna
Age: Claims to be 33 (is likely older)

She says her name is Fortuna but it seems a little too convienent for a woman of her occupation. Madame Fortuna is a fortune teller, a seer, a visionary, a diviner of the Yet Unknown. She may even have real talent. She sells, ah, "medical herbs."

Fortuna appears to be a healthy woman in her twilight years. She may have been handsome once when younger, but the whole effect is rather spoiled by a large mole on her left nostril. No wailing damsel in distress is Fortuna, although in truth you'd be harder pressed to find a hero willing to carry her. She has, as they say, let herself go.

She claims to hail from a "village far away on the edge of civilization" where she "foretold of the doom that would strike its innocent populace" and having been "shamefully scorned and mocked" she was "outcast by her heartless neighbours" to "wander the cold roads, alone and friendless." She tells you smugly, as an after thought, that the village was wiped from the face of the land for disbelieving her and harshly warns you to heed her words. This is accompanied by some finger twitching and a flash of light.

And indeed Fortuna takes great care to remind you of this at every moment. Not a minute goes by without some cryptic word or two being said, and while it is true that some of her warnings do come to pass, you can never be sure if it was intentional or just dumb luck. After all, dig enough holes and you're bound to strike gold.

Fortuna is greedy, proud and hoards her secrets like a magpie. When pressed, she'll say she's a godless heathen. Fortuna doesn't appear to be malicious - oh sure, she'll run off with your purse if she thought she could get away with it, but she'd never steal from a child or cause intentional harm. She doesn't appear to be entirely free of morales despite the compulsive lying.

She is quick to forgive wrongs and quick to accept setbacks. She thinks everything will turn out alright in the end and even if it doesn't, she'll be able to get a decent laugh out of it.

If you ask her about her family, she'll say she has none and then tell you something about how she was found in the stables of a rickety inn on a stormy winter's night. She seems reluctant to talk about her past but you cannot tell if this is geniune or just another ploy to seem mysterious.

The truth is a little more mundane. Her mother a prositute and long dead. A younger sister, Pearl, not seen in many years. Perhaps she has nieces and nephews. Fortuna doesn't seem at all interested in finding out. Her role as a diviner drives her forward and she does not look back.

When she was a younger woman, Fortuna dwelt in a little village, unnamed. She lived a relatively simple life, selling "herbs" and magic mushrooms. One day she had the unfortunate luck to splurt her first prophecy in the middle of market, where her body went as rigid as a board and her eyes rolled up into the back of her head. There may have been drooling. She started chanting a warning to all who would hear... which turned out to be very few as the prophecy had the Misfortune of being spoken in a language no one could understand.

Understandably alarmed, the villagers threw rocks at her until she fled.

Putting this incident behind her, she travelled far and settled in a different village, plying her trade again as a wise woman and provider of mushrooms. Less than a year ago and in the comfort of her own den (but right in front of a client), Fortuna was once again struck by prescience and spake thus the following:

In the waning reign of the Moon
Hand turns the wheel and grey mouse ascend
Shuttle and reed across the loom
All sleep shall flee til journey's end

Should the Bane of Blades live past wake
The grey mouse fall in that dawning year
Weave sundered by far kinder Fates
And man, his freedom to revere

But should the Dread Beast rise that eve
Dark unbinding heralds endless war
His blood the promised price receive
The grey mouse shall be mouse no more

Fortuna's real name is Amber, although only she would know that.

As a possible hook, Fortune senses someone in the group is related to her prophecy. She does not know the extent of this relation - they could be anything from the antagonist to the protagonst to the sire of the protagonist. She is magically compelled to see the Misfortune fullfilled in either of its courses. Naturally, she'd prefer it if the world was not destroyed because she is fond of being alive. As part of her personality it's likely she'd attempt to Bluff her way into the group by pretending to be someone's long lost aunt. Telling the truth is a last resort.

Playing BG1 and BG2 in one nice long swoop. Unfortunately my BG1 crashed irrevocably and I was unable to finish it, one scene away from Sarevok no less.

So anyway, imported my save files and moved right on to Irenicus.

I still remembered my last attempt at playing BG2 with terribly fond memories. So I loaded up my favorite mods and just jumped right back at it; with a couple of new exceptions.

Naturally, not touching that piece of trash Solaufein mod. I'd much rather keep the one that lives in my head unviolated. One day I'll write him out and unleash him quietly to the world. He'll be unassuming, of few words, bookish and written specifically to throw guilt trips at the player. He'll be needy and selfish. You can try Therapy on him and he'll change, but it won't be for the better.

At the end, he'll leave you a mess. Well done, girls, you've just been used by an NPC! (I suppose there should be an option to kill him when he dumps you but that's a bit borderline psycho) And then people will cry and bitch and write mods to "fix" him or to play The Gary Stu and I'll just shrug.

This is a roundabout way of saying I installed the Edwin mod by Spellhold Studios and I think it is a flawed piece of work. And not in the good way either, like when you say she's written a deliciously flawed character. This is flawed because it seems to be OOC for Edwin.

I'm not saying Edwin couldn't be sweet because he can be (as evidence by Bioware's chick in the dockside inn). But you have to remember what he did: he spent one night in her bed and then afterwards pretend he didn't know her.

Edwin is Lawful Evil. A lot of people, mainly little fangirls trying their hand at writing, don't seem to understand what this means. People who are evil are not nice people. Edwin is not a nice person. It's such a pity because Edwin comes pre-packaged with a wonderful set of flaws to begin with and they've managed to mess it up by removing them altogether.

They're tried to dissect this behavior where he's rude and abrasive into he pushes everyone away because he's afraid of getting hurt.

BULLSHIT. Girls, that is not right.

Edwin is rude, proud and arrogant because he's a egotistic, self righteous asshole. Not because he's misunderstood. Your real task was to give him good qualities that might make a girl decide okay, "I can forgive his flaws because he's got other aspects." You could make it so that his pride extends to you as well. If anyone speaks rudely to you, he'd be the first one to defend you.

Not to say this whole mod was a complete failure like the Solaufein one. I particularly like the one where Edwin says something about how his mentor, although sarcastic, has always been there for him.

You could play on that, but ultimately don't forget that Edwin stabbed Mae'var in the back as well. Edwin ultimately serves himself, which is what being Evil is all about.

Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? He's constantly putting you down, hurting you emotionally? Questions your values by calling them weak? He exerts his dominance over you through harsh words to put you in your place?

That's Edwin. That's what he does to the rest of your group. And that is why he's not a nice person.

The hardest part of this task was to find out why psychologically abusive people still manage to score relationships and the whole shebang. Part of it is that the victim is usually emotionally weak and it gets fostered into a dependance on the stronger party. Is the PC weak? Can you make a PC weak? How would a player react against it?

Edwin has the benefit of being the most powerful mage in the game. Already the player has some dependency on him and attraction to him, a feature external of his personality.

Character

I had this flash of inspiration on the bus home. Personality is how. Alignment is why. The two are actually separate things, but personality before alignment when making a character. Personallity determines what he says, but alignment is how he reacts in a situation.

This is where it gets difficult because Edwin's personality is clever and witty. This has nothing to do with his alignment, because you can be charming and still be Lawful Evil. It's very difficult to write a likeable and genuine villain - although I don't believe Edwin is supposed to be likeable to your PC.

This is because Edwin is a ShitStirrer. He jabs at people to see them flinch. He gets a satisfaction from it because hurting people proves that he's stronger than them.

He's blinded by hubris. He's proud (this can extend to an organization he's part of ie. Red Wizards). He is intelligent but not wise. He lacks foresight and caution, believing himself to be invincible. He is not cunning (cunning and wisdom are two sides of the same coin) but he thinks he is.

He's a male chauvinist. His order of ranking would probably be something like this: Himself > powerful male caster ie. Irenicus > powerful female casters > cats > everyone else > dogs > barbarians > female barbarians

He's a bit on the shallow side when it comes to women. He likes beautiful women. I believe this should mean CHA15+ is more important than INT. After he becomes a woman, he'll start to value the mind more.

He's quite short tempered. This is more noticeable when he's a woman.

He ran away from something to do with the Red Wizards. I believe deep down, he's a bit of a coward. He'll get other people to do his dirty work, if he can.

Unfortunately, that's a shitload of character flaws. Now we need to think of the good.

He's quite funny, although considerably less so if the wit is directed at you.

We are told he has a "sweet side." I'm assuming this means he can be charming when he puts his vast intellect to it. I am going to hazard a guess and say he's also lonely (although I don't think this is a bonus). He's loyal as long as you don't hurt his pride. I think he'd never cheat on you, although this might be out of fear of getting caught have having his limbs ripped off.

He's obviously more vulnerable than he pretends to be. But unlike fairy tales, it's unlikely he'll appreciate you pointing this out.

I can't think of any more. Why do people like him again? Oh yes, cause he's funny. He's the only one in the game that takes a potshot at the NPCs for you. He's like the geek avatar of the Player, and says all the clever witty shit that your character can't break the 4th wall to say.

Alignment

A lawful evil character methodically takes what he wants within the limits of his personal code of conduct without regard for whom it hurts. He cares about tradition, loyalty, and order but not about freedom, dignity, or life. He plays by the rules but without mercy or compassion. He's comfortable in a hierarchy and would like to rule, but is willing to serve. He is loath to break promises, and he is therefore very cautious about giving his word unless a bargain is clearly in his favour.

This reluctance comes partly from his nature and partly because he depends on order to protect himself from those who oppose him on moral grounds. Some lawful evil villains have particular taboos, such as not killing in cold blood (but having underlings do it) or not letting children come to harm (if it can be helped). They feel these personal morals put them above unprincipled villains.

People in this group believe that structure brings into power those who deserve to rule over others, simply because they are better for whatever reason that may be whether they are powerful warriors, intelligent statesmen or a powerful mages. They enjoy a clear distinction between the classes in their society and believe all should know their place and act accordingly. If people suffer because of whatever laws that benefits these creatures that is tough plain and simple.

So he needs a code of conduct to behave within. Well, let's list what we know:

He dislikes physical violence. He's not against the idea of violence as long as it serves a purpose and gets the job done. He just doesn't like doing it himself.

He is not good at lying (evidenced by his attempts to throw the Red Wizard off his track) He's better at evading. He generally will not break his word unless he thinks he can get away with it and only it's better for him if he does so (he would only betray Mae'var once he was sure you came from a higher power).

He likes being in power, he likes power. Does he like being in control? I would say yes if only because of this: "it's about time you monkeys realized who should be leader."

Question. Does he like powerful women? Unsure. I think the answer is 'yes' if only to say that he believes he deserves the best. In general, I think he would not care, as long as she was beautiful. After he's been changed to woman and back, he'll probably start looking for an intelligent woman as well as beautiful.

Does he know how to share? Hmm, in a conversation with Nalia, he demands that she return his reagents but graciously allows her to keep the bat guano, on account that he never liked touching the stuff. So I suppose the answer is... "no." It's not really sharing if he loses nothing and Edwin is far too selfish to share.

He does not like fighting women. I think this is tied to his dislike of physical violence, but I've noticed he does not tend to stir up the women as much (atleast, it never escalates to a fight) He's quick to pick fights with the men, but even with Jaheira, he doesn't really fight her (although I believe he taunts her about Khalid)

He is loyal up to a point. If it's profitable for himself, he may be pursuaded to do otherwise. He does not mind working for someone else.

His ultimate goal is to gain power for himself. Edwin is a selfish creature.

Relationships

The biggest question we're trying to argue here is: does he know how to love?

Does an evil person know how to love? I have come across a hurdle, you see and I don't know the answer. Can they have a love that is not abusive in any way?

In essence, this comes down to what is "love". I googled it because I can't be fucked trying to write out a complicated issue and I think this sums it up quite nicely:

People fall in love because they want to offer someone something good that they have. They want to be with someone not as to depend on him or her but to share their life with them. They have something good to offer and they want something good in return.

Wow. Okay. So do you think Edwin is capable of that?

No.

Can we make him become capable of that and still be Edwin?

I... do not think so.

This is not solely because of his alignment, this is because of his character - he is selfish.

One of the most destructive types is the selfish person. This is the person who only cares about himself and thus ends up having no one else care about him, except himself. But in the meantime, he will drag you down, destroy your self-confidence and indirectly teach you to doubt your self-worth.

That does not say Edwin is incapable of any kind of love, just not "true love," as they say.

Sorry, girls. I like creating realistic characters. Selfish people like Edwin cannot be "fixed" because they don't realise anything is wrong.

At first he'll care about you (maybe even genuinely), but in situations where it's himself or you, he'll always pick himself first. Your friends or his? Your goals or his? Your way or his? Your morals or his?

That's the nature of selfish people. The trick is how to write that into the game?

Feminity

It's a bit hard to take this whole Edwina thing seriously, because Bioware never expected you to. Edwin was an amusing side character, a comic relief. No one expects comic relief to suddenly develop a personality.

No doubt this is what the author of the mod realized as well, because I noticed Edwin underwent a very serious and dramatic character change around this time. He's no longer evil. He's not even irritatingly loquacious. He's just... funny, I suppose. Or I would find it funny if I wasn't constantly remind of how out of character everything is.

I would have thought that being written by a woman, they could write a female Edwina significantly better, but looks like I was wrong.

I like how he commented about how he thinks differently, even though he's smart as ever. That and the social insight where he noticed men treat him different are the gems out of this segment. The rest, the crap about chocolate and hysteria is just garbage stereotypes about woman.

A woman is no different than a man. The only difference is that she doesn't think with her balls anymore and she's thinking with her brains (80% of the time as opposed to 50% of the time). I'm almost inclined to say during this period, Edwin should be asking more piercing, intelligent questions and be colder in response if the PC is stupid. This is largely because he's not physically being distracted by boobies (except maybe his own).

I have nothing wrong with him breaking down in this phase and crying. It is true that women are more prone to crying and being emotional, especially right before their periods. I don't think it should be sad, weepy crying though. I think he should just flip out one day and go fucking apeshit, throwing fireballs everywhere, sort of a WHY-ME, angry crying. "I feel their stares! DIE DIE DIE!"

Any comfort from the PC should be met with distain and disgust (mostly at himself) - he'll tell you to "leave me be!"



A few things to note for modders in general:
1. Refrain from using **** to emphasize. If you're doing it every sentence, you're doing it wrong. If it's important, we'll notice it. You don't need to bold every second word. If you do, rewrite the sentence so you don't.

2. PC responses HAVE TO BE be short and succinct. Multi-line line rants is ridiculous. This is because you want to capture the general idea of what the line should say, not word to word precision. Half of the response is left to the player's imagination. I keep getting this problem where I want to say something but it's not there, or this line is so close to what I want to say but the tone sounds hysteric and stupid so I don't want to say it. Ranting responses are pathetic. Keep the fangirl out of it. I'm not doing a soliloquy here.

The other stuff about his mentor and his mother and all that. Uh... Whatever. I don't mind that so much if only it was done in character. Edwin is about... 27? 28? At least? I think the story actually places him more around early to mid 30s. He's not a teenager and he certainly shouldn't act like one. It's frustrating to watch.

Also the fight with the lich is too difficult. I saw the thread in their forums and thought it was just someone complaining, but then I reached it and it's true. I don't care that Melissan is just as hard - that's not the point. She's a epic level, final boss of Throne of Bhaal. Your stupid lich is part of a romance of some fucking NPC. What the hell are you thinking to make the encounter as hard as the final boss when a PC is only around level 14? The fight should be as hard as anything the PC might have to encounter with Jaheira or Anomen. Your mod is not some stupid special little butterfly that requires me to reset my party and fine tune all my spells especially for this one goddamn encounter. This pissed me off more than anything.

Even your STUPID MINIONS are wearing +1 everything in their equipment slots, plus a bag load of potions. There is NO encounter like that in SOA, barring end level fights or special optional fights. I don't know what was going through these people's heads when they design encounters that are so obviously unbalanced that even Bioware don't force you to do it.

On the plus side, I'm not completely repelled. Unlike Solaufein's Mod Which Must Not Be Named, I don't have an impulse to vomit and uninstall it right away. I'm still fond of Edwin enough that I want to keep him around and see what's going to happen.

As an aside, RE's Teos mini addon is very good. I actually think whoever wrote it should apply the same thing to Edwin here, but with more wit. Teos basically makes sweet, sweet magical love to you and then says goodbye. You can tell him you want to see him again, but he'll say something along the lines of "We both have busy lives, I suggest you forget me as soon as possible. I know I will be doing the same" although he expresses some miniscule amount of regret. He also says the very charming little line "Have you ever been kissed while teleporting?" right before he teleports you around. That is exactly the kind of sweetness I'd expect from Eddie and then the abrupt dismissal from Edwin.

I'll tell you why.

1. You're an asshole.

or

2. You don't care about your physical appearance.

or

3. You aren't assertive enough.


Most guys seem to think this becomes a failure of the girls to not recognize what a sweet, misunderstood person you are, but that's utterly bullshit. If you don't think this matters, then why don't YOU go and find a girl behaves exactly like you and see how well that goes.

1. Frankly, "you're a douchebag" is the most likely reason because even the douchebag guys I speak with know that girls don't place physical appearance as #1. If you're decent looking (don't have a third eye or a weird fungus growth on your forehead) that's GOOD ENOUGH. Seriously, guys need to know this - appearance is a minimal bonus... it's even a penalty. Guys who are 10s are usually self absorbed womanizers who are likely to stray (assholes).

The number one most likely reason girls don't like you is because you're a douchebag. You need to be honest with yourself and think of it like this: are you ready to dedicate any portion of your life to someone else? If you're not willing to spend at least 1 hour on the phone or in contact every night and you still want a girlfriend, then you're a douchebag. You're not in it for the long run, you don't want to give any part of yourself up, you're just in it... for the right to sex. You don't want to give up 1 hour of your pathetic life for someone else? How do you expect to build a life together? The answer is: you don't. So girls don't bother with you. You're a waste of their time, their effort, their love. You're a douchebag.

Maybe you'll get lucky and find a girl who only wants to use you for sex. Someone who doesn't want to build a life with you. But don't get upset when she cheats on you because you got exactly what you asked for.


2. You don't care about your physical appearance. You don't think it's important to be fit, to be clean, to have good hygiene because that's shallow and not who you really are and girls who care about that are selfish bitches.

BULLSHIT. If you really think that, why aren't you dating the ugliest, dirtiest girl you can find? If you're shallow enough to filter girls by their appearance, don't be surprised when they do it right back at ya. Stop being a douchebag and clean yourself up.

You don't have to be superbuff. Personally, I don't like superbuff cause I find it a bit creepy. But you can still take care of yourself. Wash your hair often. Dress smartly. Moisturize. I spend an hour of just fucking moisturizing morning and night - I don't know why guys can't be fucked to put in the same amount of effort as girls. We put in all this work to look presentable and you can't be arsed to do even a quarter of that, and yet guys reserve the right to be fussy? It's such a douchebag attitude I think these two should be one category.


3. If by some chance that you really are just a nice guy, look decent and still single, then chances are you aren't assertive enough. We tell you this all the time but you just don't listen. Here's the thing taught by wisdom:

Being in love is like barring your most vulnerable part of your soul to a stranger and hoping you don't get hurt. It's a gamble. It's always chance. If you want to find love, you have to be /prepared/ to get hurt.

It is a gamble, but you can reduce the risk by getting to know the person beforehand. I call this "befriending" someone. Guys seem to think this bad because puts them in the friendzone.

HONEST TRUTH: YOU GET FRIENDZONED BECAUSE YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE.

You become friends with the girl and she realizes you're an asshole. She'll never date you now so when you finally decide to ask her, she turns you down "because she doesn't want to loose a friend." Bullshit, she turned you down cause you're an asshole.

I never know if guys want to hear the real reason why they get turned down. I think it could be constructive criticism but most of the time guys don't wanna hear it because of injured pride. They'd rather believe it's the girl's fault than theirs, because clearly they're such a paragon of mankind.

Not that I'm saying girls are perfect either. You're going to find bitches and manipulators in that great sea out there, but you'll also find girls who are really looking for honest love and I'm assuming that a good guy like you is looking for good lass.

Anyway, I rambled. The last point is, if you're genuinely not a douchebag, then just go out there and make friends with girls and make them laugh. Flirt with them now and then so they know you're interested in them but not so much you come off as a creep. Since guys like definitions here's a nice number: "1 flirt per 20 days of interaction."

This is counted by interaction so you have to pad the parts between the flirts with real friendship points. You want to avoid this thing where once every fortnight you sms her out of the blue with "HUR HUR U HAV A PURDY MOUF" so that when she looks back on your sms history all she sees is this:

"HUR HUR U HAV A PURDY MOUF"
"I WANA TOCH U"
"HARD 4 U BABI"
"MY DIK IS SO HARD RITE NAOW"

Try and stay classy, ok?

As for the thing about being assertive - it's not as hard as you think.

Wank. SHOWER. (You don't need deodorant and if you do... just shower. A cloud of Axel Body Spray is not pleasant despite the commercials.) Brush your hair, brush your teeth. Wear nice clothes. Look her in the eyes and smile.

NOW GO and stop being assholes.

Edit: That's not to say that all friendzoned guys are so because they're assholes. Usually they are, but I have friends who I'd never want to date because they are truly precious to me. The thing about that is you can usually tell the other person thinks the same. Mainly because it's like trying to date your sister or your brother. You're so close, they're more like family than friends.

I don't mind it. I'm sure we're playing it very loosely but mainly I'm interested in keeping things fun and not trying to run over the players with swarms of mobs. I do make up shit on the fly, as is recommended in the DM book.

I don't think I'm doing a terribly good job of setting the scene or building NPC characters, but it's pretty hard holding their interest at times. Lina is completely not interested in the RP part of the game and she's just rolling around yawning when we do. Which is such a pity because rogues are the best for RP sessions! I'd love it if she just snuck around and pick pocketed people. It's very sad but I think part of it is because I'm not engaging her completely.

I think if I can get the props down and establish characters better, that part of the game might be more fun.

I haven't even started and already I don't want to play anymore. This is utterly bullshit since it was me who started the whole thing in the house, trying to get people to play and so on.

The problem comes down to me discovering that all Mark wants to do, like really wants to do, is argue with me over rules vs narrative. I mean. Seriously. I hate the idea of trying to DM this shit because there's no goddamn way he'll let me do anything for the sake of narrative - ie. "the castle is falling! You cannot rest now" - he'll seriously try and come at me with it's in the rule book that you can rest whenever the hell you want.

I'm like NO. You cannot rest here because you need to get the fuck out.

And again, NO, I want to rest now, the consequences are up to me.

SO YOU'LL DIE.

Yes, but it is my choice.

WTF?

WHAT THE FUCK?

It's almost like you're trying to dictate a pacing and taking a tighter control on the narrative so that it's a more enjoyable story and all he wants to do is... I don't even know what this is. He's just being stubborn.

Half of D&D is in the storytelling and the roleplaying. He's not letting me do one and only thinks he's doing the other by giving his characters "freedom". It's not freedom! It's just being a douchebag.

"The volcano has exploded and magma is rushing towards you. It is the advent of your fiery, burny death."

"I want to camp for 8 hours."

"... What."

Is this roleplaying? If you were really roleplaying, wouldn't you be a screaming, messy panic?

He's resisting narrative flow and that pisses me off so much. I am remind of The Gamers, where the poor DM is trying to argue that story is king and the rules are merely a template.

Are you for fucking real? Why do you have to go poking things until they break?